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I have been married to my high school sweetheart for 13 years this November. I have three energetic kiddos ages 12,10, and 6. I have had one successful gestational surrogate experience and am currently working on journey #2..

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

An International Journey in the making

-So I knew when I started this blog that there would be ups and downs. Positives and Negatives. But I didn't realize how hard it would be to blog about the things that were not going as planned. I debated about blogging about my new journey. But I decided that I would continue because no matter what happens it will always be a part of my life and this would be a unique way to be able to look back over everything. So here we go. . .

-I am happy to announce that we are officially MATCHED!!!!!!!! I didn't expect it to go this fast but surprise :) So I was sent my IM's profile to review last Thursday and to my surprise she is from Australia. (I know what the next question that you are asking and no I do not get to go to Australia, I will be going to California for the transfer) My husband and I looked over her profile and discussed everything and decided to move forward with her to the next steps. I emailed Circle to let them know that we would like to move forward with her if she felt the same way. I knew that due to the holidays there would be a delay with everything and I was prepared for that. So I was shocked when I heard back from them Friday with a Skype date for that night!!!!!

-Now while all this was going on I was at work and having a very busy day at that and I was starting to get nervous that I would not be off in time. In Labor and Delivery things can go from super slow to running around crazy in about 5 minutes. But my awesome coworkers helped me out and I was able to leave in plenty of time. Thanks so much for your help Kaitlin :)  So we planned to Skype at 9:00pm my time which was 3:00pm her time (the time difference is kind of hard to plan things).

-So the Skype date went very well. I emailed Circle Friday night and told them that we were very pleased with the Skype date and would like to continue and apparently she did the same. Bright and early Monday morning I heard back from circle that she felt the same way and we were matched. Yeah!

-So now I wait to hear back from the legal staff for the contract and date we will fly out to meet her. Thank you everyone for supporting me and continuing to pray for my journey. I hope that everyone has a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year :)

Monday, December 16, 2013

Not the update you were expecting

As I sit here tonight updating my blog it is harder than usual, my heart is so heavy. So A lot has happened since I last blogged and I now feel comfortable updating everyone on it.

-Since my 2nd Beta test we were scheduled to go have an ultrasound on a Friday to see how the baby/babies were growing. On the Tuesday before at 6:30pm I was at work and had a large gush of bright red blood. At first there was no cramping only bleeding. About 45 min later the cramping started. I was bleeding and cramping all night long. We went in the next morning for a ultrasound which confirmed what I was scared of, that we had lost the baby. That was the hardest text to have to send to the people who were not only my IPs but have become my friends now.

-I do believe that we were put in each other's path for a reason and I believe that we will always keep in touch.  I do not feel it is my privilege to discuss their future decisions just know at this time we will go our separate ways. I have been so blessed to meet no only the IPs but their family.

-Everyone's question has been, What's next? And at this time I am unsure at what my next steps are. I feel in my heart that I want to finish what I have started. I feel in my heart that this is what I am meant to do. But the emotional part is so much harder than anything physical that I went through. I am a labor and delivery nurse and felt that I was prepared for anything that could happen. What I was not prepared for was the disappointment that I felt each time I had to tell them something was wrong. The failure I feel as I sit here unable to give them the baby that they deserve. So as of now I just pray that I will be guided in the right direction.