Baby steps

I have noticed with this process that you have to have a lot of patience. There is a lot of stop and go and sometimes even two steps forward and one step back. But it is all part of the experience. As my parents use to say growing up "It builds character".

But the good news is we have a Medical screening date next month. They have called in the birth control and I have picked it up just waiting on my monthly friend to visit (at the beginning of October) What the medical screening consist of is I will fly to the IVF clinic with John and they draw blood, do a saline sonogram (not excited about this part), and do education on injections (its standard part but I do believe I got that part). But I am most excited about meeting the IP's in person! I have been able to text and face time with them and they seem so nice and easy to get along with.


So after the medical screening we will fly back home and wait on the contract to be finalized and for the IVF clinic to give us a transfer calendar. So although it seems like not much is happening there is slow forward steps happening.

Can it really be this easy?

Lets me think I feel like a lot has happened since I last blogged. Lets see the IP IVF clinic received my previous journey's file from the fertility clinic in LA on 8/21/15 and approved me to be a surrogate through their clinic and my IP received my profile the same day. On Saturday I had my BIG 3-0 birthday. Then on Monday morning 8/24/15 I received the best news ever, that the IP had looked at my profile and would like to face time with us. So on Monday evening John and I face timed with them. From the time that I read their profile I just had this feeling that they were the exact couple that I had been looking for. So we had our face time "meeting" and of coarse I was so nervous I thought I was going to vomit (I didn't). But it went so smooth and she was so easy to talk to. Like I got butterflies in my stomach (don't laugh). I am actually smiling just thinking about it. So yeah we are officially MATCHED.

The next few steps are a lot of paper work but the most exciting step is going to meet them in person. I am not sure when that will be yet but I will for sure let everyone know. I know that I keep saying it but I really do feel at peace with this journey. I do feel like it is a little bit easier since I have been through these steps one before :)

***So my kiddos have been in school now for 2 weeks and they all seem to enjoy it. Joslyn made the advanced women's choir, Hunter made the travel baseball team, and Logan is playing baseball but this year is pitching machine. I am so excited about all of their activities.

Do you like me?

As many of you remember from the first journey this is not a quick process. It has many steps. Some go very quickly and some not so much. So the initial application process is complete. The initial contract phase is complete. The phone interview phase is complete.  

John (my husband) and I at a baseball tournament.

Now onto the fun part, the matching process. This is how the typical matching process works.  Circle( the company that I am using) will send me a potential couple's (IP) profile and send them my profile. We both review it and decide yes or no that we would like to move forward. Now matter how secure I find myself this phase always makes me so nervous. I find myself thinking "Will they like me?" "Will my profile show what type of person me and my family are?" "Will they think that I am good enough"  I know it seem silly but I still do it. I get butterflies in my tummy and all. I have been praying that I will be matched with the perfect couple.

So I received a potential IP couple profile by email on Thursday afternoon. John and I looked over it and talked about it and we think that they are perfect. (Due to legal reasons I am not allowed to disclose any of their information) But take my word for it they seem to be what I am looking for. So this couple has decided that they do not want to view the potential surrogate's profile until their IVF clinic has approved me. So now I am just waiting on the clinic to approve my file. When I get word I will let everyone know :) It is so exciting to be able to have all of you to share this journey with this time.

So that is my surrogate journey update now how about a life update :) We have all been busy with getting 3 kids ready to start school. I officially have a 1st grader, 5th grader, and a 7th grader (I am not sure when she grew up but I have a child in Jr high this year!) We have almost everything ready for them to start school Tuesday. We have bought school supplies and new clothes. We have met their teachers and toured the schools (yes they will all be in different schools this year). I have been busy today trying to make sure their rooms and clothes are clean. Now I just need to meal plan and grocery shop and I will officially be ready. So that's all I have today for you guys.

Step 1 complete.....onto step 2.

So there is not a lot to update at this point. We have been working on all of the initial paperwork. Although I am a returning surrogate the still have to redo a lot of the paperwork. We had to updated my original application and change a few things that I do not want this time around. We are almost done with that and then we will be onto the next step...Legal department.

So I said that doing this blog I will be honest and I guess I need to be 100% honest. I have kinda of been dragging my feet through the paperwork stage because I was having second thoughts with doing another journey. So I had to sit down and try to figure out why. I think I have finally figured it out. The reason why I want to be a surrogate again is to help a sweet couple have a baby that they would otherwise not be able to. I want to develop that bond and go through this pregnancy with someone who is just as excited as me. This sounds silly but I want that special experience that everyone talks about. So why was I feeling so conflicted about it. Well this is what I came up with.....

I am more worried about what other people will think about me than what I want. Will they think I am crazy for doing it again? Will they think I am just in it for the money? That's when I realized that I was considering not doing it again for all of the wrong reasons. Why do I care so much what other people think. It is me and my family (and some friends) who have to deal with me pregnant again. My family and friends are supportive of it so I think that is what truly matters. My support system. So I want to thank everyone in advance for all of your support that you have given in the past and will continue to give.

 

It's been way to long

So I have been meaning to get on here and blog but it seems like I have been so busy lately with work and my kids baseball. So due to legal reasons I am not allowed to discuss my previous surrogacy journey in detail but I do plan on hitting some highlights that I faced, so I was thinking how about we start fresh with a new journey. Yup you heard me correctly I am signing up to be a surrogate again!!!! But this time I am determined to blog the entire journey so that I can share this journey with all of you. I am currently in the beginning phase of the process and am just now filling out the application but I am so excited that I wanted to let everyone know so that you can be looking for future blogs. EEk I am so excited to be back again.

An International Journey in the making

-So I knew when I started this blog that there would be ups and downs. Positives and Negatives. But I didn't realize how hard it would be to blog about the things that were not going as planned. I debated about blogging about my new journey. But I decided that I would continue because no matter what happens it will always be a part of my life and this would be a unique way to be able to look back over everything. So here we go. . .

-I am happy to announce that we are officially MATCHED!!!!!!!! I didn't expect it to go this fast but surprise :) So I was sent my IM's profile to review last Thursday and to my surprise she is from Australia. (I know what the next question that you are asking and no I do not get to go to Australia, I will be going to California for the transfer) My husband and I looked over her profile and discussed everything and decided to move forward with her to the next steps. I emailed Circle to let them know that we would like to move forward with her if she felt the same way. I knew that due to the holidays there would be a delay with everything and I was prepared for that. So I was shocked when I heard back from them Friday with a Skype date for that night!!!!!


-Now while all this was going on I was at work and having a very busy day at that and I was starting to get nervous that I would not be off in time. In Labor and Delivery things can go from super slow to running around crazy in about 5 minutes. But my awesome coworkers helped me out and I was able to leave in plenty of time. Thanks so much for your help Kaitlin :)  So we planned to Skype at 9:00pm my time which was 3:00pm her time (the time difference is kind of hard to plan things).

-So the Skype date went very well. I emailed Circle Friday night and told them that we were very pleased with the Skype date and would like to continue and apparently she did the same. Bright and early Monday morning I heard back from circle that she felt the same way and we were matched. Yeah!

-So now I wait to hear back from the legal staff for the contract and date we will fly out to meet her. Thank you everyone for supporting me and continuing to pray for my journey. I hope that everyone has a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year :)

Not the update you were expecting

As I sit here tonight updating my blog it is harder than usual, my heart is so heavy. So A lot has happened since I last blogged and I now feel comfortable updating everyone on it.

-Since my 2nd Beta test we were scheduled to go have an ultrasound on a Friday to see how the baby/babies were growing. On the Tuesday before at 6:30pm I was at work and had a large gush of bright red blood. At first there was no cramping only bleeding. About 45 min later the cramping started. I was bleeding and cramping all night long. We went in the next morning for a ultrasound which confirmed what I was scared of, that we had lost the baby. That was the hardest text to have to send to the people who were not only my IPs but have become my friends now.

-I do believe that we were put in each other's path for a reason and I believe that we will always keep in touch.  I do not feel it is my privilege to discuss their future decisions just know at this time we will go our separate ways. I have been so blessed to meet no only the IPs but their family.

-Everyone's question has been, What's next? And at this time I am unsure at what my next steps are. I feel in my heart that I want to finish what I have started. I feel in my heart that this is what I am meant to do. But the emotional part is so much harder than anything physical that I went through. I am a labor and delivery nurse and felt that I was prepared for anything that could happen. What I was not prepared for was the disappointment that I felt each time I had to tell them something was wrong. The failure I feel as I sit here unable to give them the baby that they deserve. So as of now I just pray that I will be guided in the right direction.