Step 1 complete.....onto step 2.

So there is not a lot to update at this point. We have been working on all of the initial paperwork. Although I am a returning surrogate the still have to redo a lot of the paperwork. We had to updated my original application and change a few things that I do not want this time around. We are almost done with that and then we will be onto the next step...Legal department.

So I said that doing this blog I will be honest and I guess I need to be 100% honest. I have kinda of been dragging my feet through the paperwork stage because I was having second thoughts with doing another journey. So I had to sit down and try to figure out why. I think I have finally figured it out. The reason why I want to be a surrogate again is to help a sweet couple have a baby that they would otherwise not be able to. I want to develop that bond and go through this pregnancy with someone who is just as excited as me. This sounds silly but I want that special experience that everyone talks about. So why was I feeling so conflicted about it. Well this is what I came up with.....

I am more worried about what other people will think about me than what I want. Will they think I am crazy for doing it again? Will they think I am just in it for the money? That's when I realized that I was considering not doing it again for all of the wrong reasons. Why do I care so much what other people think. It is me and my family (and some friends) who have to deal with me pregnant again. My family and friends are supportive of it so I think that is what truly matters. My support system. So I want to thank everyone in advance for all of your support that you have given in the past and will continue to give.

 

It's been way to long

So I have been meaning to get on here and blog but it seems like I have been so busy lately with work and my kids baseball. So due to legal reasons I am not allowed to discuss my previous surrogacy journey in detail but I do plan on hitting some highlights that I faced, so I was thinking how about we start fresh with a new journey. Yup you heard me correctly I am signing up to be a surrogate again!!!! But this time I am determined to blog the entire journey so that I can share this journey with all of you. I am currently in the beginning phase of the process and am just now filling out the application but I am so excited that I wanted to let everyone know so that you can be looking for future blogs. EEk I am so excited to be back again.

An International Journey in the making

-So I knew when I started this blog that there would be ups and downs. Positives and Negatives. But I didn't realize how hard it would be to blog about the things that were not going as planned. I debated about blogging about my new journey. But I decided that I would continue because no matter what happens it will always be a part of my life and this would be a unique way to be able to look back over everything. So here we go. . .

-I am happy to announce that we are officially MATCHED!!!!!!!! I didn't expect it to go this fast but surprise :) So I was sent my IM's profile to review last Thursday and to my surprise she is from Australia. (I know what the next question that you are asking and no I do not get to go to Australia, I will be going to California for the transfer) My husband and I looked over her profile and discussed everything and decided to move forward with her to the next steps. I emailed Circle to let them know that we would like to move forward with her if she felt the same way. I knew that due to the holidays there would be a delay with everything and I was prepared for that. So I was shocked when I heard back from them Friday with a Skype date for that night!!!!!


-Now while all this was going on I was at work and having a very busy day at that and I was starting to get nervous that I would not be off in time. In Labor and Delivery things can go from super slow to running around crazy in about 5 minutes. But my awesome coworkers helped me out and I was able to leave in plenty of time. Thanks so much for your help Kaitlin :)  So we planned to Skype at 9:00pm my time which was 3:00pm her time (the time difference is kind of hard to plan things).

-So the Skype date went very well. I emailed Circle Friday night and told them that we were very pleased with the Skype date and would like to continue and apparently she did the same. Bright and early Monday morning I heard back from circle that she felt the same way and we were matched. Yeah!

-So now I wait to hear back from the legal staff for the contract and date we will fly out to meet her. Thank you everyone for supporting me and continuing to pray for my journey. I hope that everyone has a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year :)

Not the update you were expecting

As I sit here tonight updating my blog it is harder than usual, my heart is so heavy. So A lot has happened since I last blogged and I now feel comfortable updating everyone on it.

-Since my 2nd Beta test we were scheduled to go have an ultrasound on a Friday to see how the baby/babies were growing. On the Tuesday before at 6:30pm I was at work and had a large gush of bright red blood. At first there was no cramping only bleeding. About 45 min later the cramping started. I was bleeding and cramping all night long. We went in the next morning for a ultrasound which confirmed what I was scared of, that we had lost the baby. That was the hardest text to have to send to the people who were not only my IPs but have become my friends now.

-I do believe that we were put in each other's path for a reason and I believe that we will always keep in touch.  I do not feel it is my privilege to discuss their future decisions just know at this time we will go our separate ways. I have been so blessed to meet no only the IPs but their family.

-Everyone's question has been, What's next? And at this time I am unsure at what my next steps are. I feel in my heart that I want to finish what I have started. I feel in my heart that this is what I am meant to do. But the emotional part is so much harder than anything physical that I went through. I am a labor and delivery nurse and felt that I was prepared for anything that could happen. What I was not prepared for was the disappointment that I felt each time I had to tell them something was wrong. The failure I feel as I sit here unable to give them the baby that they deserve. So as of now I just pray that I will be guided in the right direction.

2nd beta results...........

So I went in today for my repeat beta hcg. Let's recap the first was 190 and it is suppose to double in 48 hours. So today I am hoping for 380. 380 is the number that I was praying for. So the results are in and our results were 504!!!!! 

I am so excited that I can't stop smiling. My IPs are finally going to get to have a baby!!!! Thank you everyone for all of your prayers. 

Tuesday is the new Friday

So the dreaded 2WW has come. Everyone knows that when the 2 ww starts,time stops. Each day seems like a week. You count the days down until you test. So my big test day is/ was scheduled for Friday. Notice how I said was. . . . . . . . 

So it was a typically busy day in the ER today when I had a awesome surprise. My favorite nurse ever, Amy come to the ER and drew my blood. She must have known how stressed I was and needed this. So blood draw at 9:30. At 11:00 I get a call from Amy which said " So I have your results, you are PREGNANT" holy cow the words I have been waiting to hear. My beta hcg 10dp3dt was 190!!! I will go back Thursday to have my blood redrawn to make sure it is doubling correctly. 

My IPs are finally going to have a baby. I'm speechless, ecstatic, emotional, and maybe a little tired. Thank you so much for everyone that was praying for us and following along on our journey. It has officially began:) 

Home Sweet Home

So I have to say I had a blast in Boston. My IPs were so awesome and showed us the best time. So MJ and I woke up bright and early this morning. Our flight flew out at 9:00am and we wanted to be there in plenty of time so we go there around 7:30. We got bags checked, boarding passes printed, and was off to find a Starbucks:). We boarded our plane as scheduled and the Boston to Houston trip was relaxing and Uneventful (PTL) but once we arrived to Houston it was another story. Now if you have ever been to Houston airport then you understand how huge and crazy it is. We had to get from C terminal to B terminal in 45 min!!!! I was very out of breath by the time we got there. The plane I was scheduled it get on was running late (again PTL) because that meant that I was able to grab a burger so I do didn't starve. :) So here I sit on my flight from Houston to Fayetteville. And I am so ready to see my family. 

As far as the post transfer symptoms, I have had some mild cramping( a lot less severe than the last transfer). So I continue to pray that he protects and helps grow this sweet baby. 

 I knew the transfer would come and go quickly. But what I Wasn't prepared for was how hard it was to say good bye to them at the airport. Knowing that we would either see each other in 3 months or we would never see each other again. Just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes. 

So that was my eventful weekend.